I decided to share publicly what I have been going through… After my latest posts, I know many of you are wondering what’s happening… I am an open book and maybe sharing this will help others cope with their loss.

I am pregnant, but last Tuesday I went for my ultrasound. Supposedly I was 7 weeks along due to the calculation from my last period but the Ultrasound measured me at 6 weeks. I Was told there was no fetal heartbeat and that the baby was dating 6 weeks. This was obviously not a great sign and I was crushed.
So looks like a missed miscarriage… I was in complete shock and not what I was expecting at my first ultrasound.

My husband and I were so excited! Although it was a completely unexpected as we already have 3 year old twins and weren’t trying for another baby at this time. But once I found out I was pregnant I was super happy and excited. I was already planning so many things and just overwhelmed with Joy.

I had a rough pregnancy with my twins that ended up with preterm labor so I was excited to experience just one baby and carry the baby to term.

I was sent to do a blood test to see where my HCG levels were at. The results showed that my levels were at 17965 HCG which is fairly high for being at this stage in a pregnancy. I was told by the Dr. to wait to come back and get another blood test in a few days. Thursday arrived and my HCG levels went up to 21,300! Definitely not what the Doc was expecting, as they should have gone up almost double. The good news is that they didn’t decrease…

The Doctor asked me to comeback in for another Ultrasound so she can see if they could detect a heart beat or see any growth in the baby.
So far I have had no cramping and no spotting. So I was just confused as to what was going on. The waiting was the hard part. Not knowing what was going on and the uncertainty wasn’t fun.

Why is the HCG level high if the baby died in utero 2 weeks ago? Many questions were going through my head and it’s been a very emotional week. I’m pretty much have been in every pregnancy forum/blog etc. about miscarries. That was probably the worst thing to do as it freaked me out and confused me more than helped me.

I have been emotional eating, waking up in the middle of the night to eat, stopped training and not sleeping well. It’s like I couldn’t move or do anything until I knew 100% whether the baby was healthy or not.

What worried me the most is that I stopped feeling pregnant… I knew I was pregnant well before 3 weeks as symptoms were sooo strong. Then around 6 weeks, all symptoms literally disappeared – you wouldn’t even known I was pregnant. I had pregnancy acne, sore breast and nausea and suddenly all symptoms stopped.

Today, Monday, a week after my first Ultrasound I went back again for another Ultrasound. Right away I could see that the baby looked smaller than before. I was suppose to be 8 weeks and I measured less than 6, meaning that the growth had stopped 2 weeks ago. There was no heart beat and the Dr. said there is no more hope.

I am devastated! As much as I knew inside I lost my baby I was praying for a miracle… I just knew that something wasn’t right. I really wasn’t shocked today when the sonographer told me there was no heartbeat again.

I actually found closure today.

We will move on and be strong as we have to for our children.
I now have 3 options:

Take medication to start miscarriage, go to hospital for a D&C or just wait for nature to decide.

If you have gone thru this what way is best for healing? Natural or a D&C?

Please comment below.

I think I should take the medication to speed the process since I have some traveling coming up and it would be devastating to go through this in a hotel room without my husband by my side. This way I can be home and manage with my husband and family.

I know miscarriages are quite common but when it happens to you personally, it’s a very traumatic experience, both emotionally and physically. For everybody going through this, my heart is with you all.

I just want the whole miscarriage itself to be over with so I can get on with the healing process. I’m so distraught now and just trying to cope… but it’s not even over yet. I’m still technically pregnant. And it’s tearing me apart.

#myheartisbroken

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14 Comments

  1. Tenisha Douglas October 31, 2015 at 11:02 am - Reply

    Hi Ingrid, I am so terribly terribly sorry for your loss… I saw your posts a few weeks ago and just got back from vacation & went on line to check on you and saw this latest post … I can completely 100% empathize with you as the same exact thing happened to me with my very first pregnancy and I was devastated and heart broken so I know how you must feel… I have 2 beautiful children now but I did endure 3 more miscarriages after that first one before I went on to have them and no matter how many times it happens it is never an easy thing to deal with. Talking about it and having a support system definitely helps the healing process …but all in all it just takes time. You are so bold to post about this & I hope that the responses you’ve received have helped you & I’m sure you sharing your experience has definitely helped others. I saw that you mentioned not being sure what to do about the missed miscarriage whether to have a d& c or let nature take its course and you may have decided by now but I figured I would share with you my story just in case… Like you I went In for my 8 week visit & I was only measuring 6 weeks & there was no heartbeat.. And the crazy thing was just a few weeks before I had had an ultrasound & saw a nice strong heartbeat & everything was fine… So my doctor gently broke the news to me that it looked like this wasn’t a good pregnancy & I couldn’t wrap my brain around what she was saying… To me a miscarriage was cramping or bleeding & actually losing the baby I was having none of that .the only thing like you that i noticed is that from the beginning I was having very strong pregnancy symptoms very nauteous & sensitive to smells and right around when I was supposed to be about 7 weeks it stopped …but I didn’t think anything of it figured maybe i was just lucky… I had never heard of a missed miscarriage so it just didn’t make sense but my doctor assured me that it was very common … I still couldn’t believe it & was unsure & I didn’t want to believe my pregnancy was over & was afraid that maybe somehow they had just missed the heartbeat so I went back for another ultrasound like you to have them check again & this time the embryo was smaller & still no heart beat so at that point I had to come to terms with it my doctor gave me the option of d & c or letting nature run its course she recommended the D&C tho if I didn’t start bleeding on my own in a week’s time because then it could cause infection.. I decided to think about it but opted for the D& C because I felt like I needed to move forward & I couldn’t completely deal with it & have closure while waiting to miscarry so I had the D&C it was an outpatient procedure & everything went fine but it was still an emotional situation altho I knew my baby was gone before the procedure after it was all said and done I remember feeling an emptiness… When I found out I was pregnant that first time was such an amazing experience & I felt so full of life life so it was an adjustment dealing with the loss .. I was very depressed for a while but finally found the strength to move forward & try again and I can assure you that you will too. It will take time there will be good days & bad ones, people will make insensitive comments because they simply don’t fully understand but don’t take it to heart. Like I mentioned I had 4 miscarriages before I had my first child & 2 of them were “missed miscarriages” & now I am
    Blessed with two beautiful children… My little miracles I call them and i’m sure you will be blessed again too. Hang in there and please do not hesitate to reach out of you need a listening ear. We are all here for you!

  2. Jen October 26, 2015 at 8:46 pm - Reply

    I feel your pain I went through the exact same thing at the exact same time. Having my other children held me strong. There is no way to take the pain away but I took the medication I couldn’t wait for my body to let go because it was a reminder of how my baby was still there but no hope. My body or mind could not heal like that. I thought having a dnc was like stripping me from my baby and yes I realize there was no living baby but it was an emotional separation I didn’t want. The mess however feels like it is natural but knowing there will be a time table. I got to mourn through the process and once done I knew I could move forward and decide what are my next steps.

    Sometimes you just have to feel it to release it if that makes any sense

    • Ingrid Romero October 27, 2015 at 5:08 am - Reply

      Thank you so much Jen! I appreciate all the love and support.

      • Lucky July 22, 2016 at 4:24 pm - Reply

        [via YouTube] I like the way mum wasnt inretested in her baby because she just got her brand new iphone 3gs 16gb lolcool

  3. Amanda October 26, 2015 at 7:17 pm - Reply

    My preference is go natural, your body knows what to do. I miscarried at 14 weeks, 3 weeks later I had an ultra sound and large masses were still present. I was given two option, D&C or natural. Like you I had travel planned for the following week and was concerned about complication occurring and not being home. I went with natural anyway, it took six weeks for bleeding to stop, no further complications and followed by a healthy pregnancy and baby a year or so later. Prayers to you and your family. ?

    • Ingrid Romero October 27, 2015 at 5:10 am - Reply

      Hi Amanda! sorry for your loss aswell and I appreciate you sharing your story with me.

  4. Alysha October 26, 2015 at 6:26 pm - Reply

    ((((Hugs))) The same thing happened to me in 2003. I went in for my 8 week ultrasound and was told I was measuring six weeks and there was no heartbeat. In my case, the doctor said to come back a week later the check bloodwork and heartbeat and I miscarried on my own the night before the appointment. I’m not sure what the best decision is since I did not have to make one. I wish you the best. I know that you can get through this.

    • Ingrid Romero October 27, 2015 at 5:11 am - Reply

      it’s devastating but seeing comments like yours is helping me cope better with the loss
      thank you so much

  5. Laura October 26, 2015 at 6:06 pm - Reply

    i had the exact same situation in 2009. I lost the baby at 7 weeks. I elected to have a d&c as I felt it would be too traumatic to see the evidence of my lost child. I was in a bad place with the news of the miscarriage, I didn’t think I could handle anymore. The procedure was fast and painless. I had no issues. The following year my best friend had a miscarriage when the baby was 8 weeks. She elected to let nature take its course. The anticipation of not knowing when it would happen was a lot on her. When it did happen it lasted days and she was in a lot of pain. Everyone’s body is different…I just wanted to share what I know. I know what you are going through and it is soo hard. I can say looking back now, it showed me how strong I am. I wish you and your family the best. ?

    • Ingrid Romero October 27, 2015 at 5:12 am - Reply

      Hi Laura!
      Thank you so much for sharing your story with me
      Sorry for your loss as well

      • Lucky July 22, 2016 at 4:25 pm - Reply

        arkadaşlar öncelikle herkese gecmiş olsun ben bu hastalıga 1 aydır yakalandım ama çok zor benim yaşım 36 bir de ben de ankilozyon sıpondilit var yani [ romatizma ) as bu rotzaimmanın da etkisi var benim normaldede kaburgalarım da ve sırtım da agrı vardı bir panik atak oldugumu söyledi doktor yani benim işim daha zor ama şuna inanıyorum ki inşallah atlatacagım en azın dan panik atakı aynı astalıgı taşıyan arkadaşlarla yazışmak istiyorum burdan mesene mi vere bilirmiyim bilmmem

  6. Tania villanueva October 26, 2015 at 5:50 pm - Reply

    I’m so sorry for your loss. I have been through a miscarriage as well and know exactly how you are feeling. It’s hard to understand why things like this happen, but it gave me comfort knowing God has a plan. Even if it hurts, He’s got you exactly where you’re supposed to be right now. My prayers are with you for healing and peace. ❤️??

    • Ingrid Romero October 27, 2015 at 5:14 am - Reply

      Hi Tania!
      It’s been so hard but seeing comments like yours helps me cope with it better, I am so glad I went public with my miscarriage I think is helping the healing process.

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