To My Friends and Family:

You are welcome to read this post, but I am posting it more for people who may be about to go through a missed miscarriage, like I did with the use of Cytotec. I’m posting this because I couldn’t find many people’s experiences when I was searching online. I will warn you that I’m not going to mince my words as there’s many women out there that need this.

A few weeks ago, at 6:00 pm, I inserted the 3 tablets of Misoprostol into my vagina.
I did it late at night so everything would happen while my babies were sleeping.
Emotionally, this was difficult to do, but not physically. I wanted to be by myself while doing this. That part was difficult emotionally because this felt very much like I was choosing to get rid of my baby, but of course I was not. Our baby died more than 2 weeks ago in utero. In my last ultrasound, it got even smaller and we could barely find a fetus on the ultrasound screen 🙁

By 8:00 pm, the cramping began. It felt like very strong period pains.
I started bleeding, I went to the bathroom and with the blood, all the pills came out…
I freaked out thinking that I had done the process wrong and may have to go to the doctor again. I just wanted this to be over… I tried to research what happened if Misoprostol came out before dissolving and couldn’t find anything. I called the advice nurse and she told me to call the doctor next day.

By 9:30 pm, I was extremely nauseous and had bad gas that was causing the cramps to hurt a bit more. I realized that even though the misoprostol came out I was still going thru the misscarriage. At this point I took Ibuprofen 800mg for the pain.

By 11:00 pm, the cramps were at a level that I normally experience as the worst cramps during my period. I truly felt as if I was going to pass out. The cramps, backache, nausea and gas were all causing severe amounts of pain, similar to what I experienced during labor! Somehow I was emotionally eating while going through all this pain! Crazy! (This emotional eating lasted about 4 weeks where I put on about 10lbs…)

During the night I kept going to the bathroom to pass large blood clots. I was able to fall asleep for only a few hours at a time. My husband Joe woke up every few hours, just to make sure I had stopped losing large amounts of blood and wasn’t in trouble. He has been my rock this past month.

While sleeping, a weird feeling woke me up like something strange was coming out while laying down. I went to the bathroom and as soon as I pulled my pants down, it fell on the floor. I was sleepy and exhausted but I could see that it was different than before. At the time I didn’t realize it, but it very well could have been the fetus. This Blood clot was a different texture and just looked different, but since I was exhausted and lacked knowing what to expect, I didn’t know. Later that day the doctor told me that it in fact was probably the fetus.

I went back to bed and kept passing blood clots. I thought everything passed and the miscarriage was over, but I wasn’t sure, so the doctor had me check my pregnancy hormone HCG 1 week after the miscarriage. Maybe an ultrasound could see if everything made it out of my uterus or not. The HCG came out very low but still not to 0..

Everybody please pray that everything have passed! I do NOT want surgery! I want this to be over.

The day after going through the misscarriage I had a segment previously scheduled with ABC news about my training programs, Team Edge contest prep and Edgebooty DVD programs. I had a major news station coming to my office and I didn’t know if I was emotionally able to do it. At this point I have been in bed for more than 10 days crying since the doctor told me my baby had no heartbeat and no growth. There was a 10 day period of uncertainty so I had to keep going back for blood test and ultrasounds.

Not having closure made me very depressed and I have put on about 10 lbs from emotional eating. I forced myself to get out of bed and do the news segment. It was really fast and only lasted an hour of filming. I had mild cramps and bleeding through it all and the make up artist had to do miracles to make me look decent as I was so pale and had black eyes from barely sleeping.

It was a day of mixed feelings and during that hour I stepped away a few times to cry. I struggled with whether or not I should do it. I realized that we can never avoid tragedies that occur in our lives but we can control what we choose to do afterwards. I promised myself that I would not let the circumstance bring me down and I would used this experience to make myself stronger. In the end I will continue to stay positive about life and continue to move forward. Today I choose to be happy not only for myself but for the most important part of my life my beautiful twin boys.

After filming I was very exhausted and cramps got a little stronger so went to rest until next day …

A few days later I felt this pain and sensitivity in my breast. I googled my symptoms and looked like my breast were engorged from the milk ducts already starting to form while pregnant.

I will do another blog when I feel my hormones are more balanced. As of right now I go from happy to sad from one moment to the next and even though I know it wasn’t my fault I still feel guilty at times… I see friends and girls I coach announcing their pregnancies and I am so happy for them but it makes me think about my loss even more, especially when they have around the same due date.. I was in a restaurant with my husband and found the news of 2 of our girls getting pregnant with exact month due date and I broke down in tears and couldn’t control it..

I started training and eating healthy a couple of days ago and it’s been hard to find the motivation to make it to the gym. My stomach gets ridiculously bloated for no reason and out of nowhere. I don’t respond well to foods, looks like anything I eat makes me bloated and puffy. I know this has to be from the hormones.

My husband and I will start trying to have another in a year or so, my pregnancy was unexpected but it made me realized how much I would love to have another child! Now that my twins Gianni & Nicoo are 3 and a half years old, I feel motherhood has gotten easier and I am ready to be a mommy of one more.

If you are reading this post because you are about to use cytotec (Misoprostol) for a missed miscarriage, please leave a comment.

I would love to know who you are and what your story is.

Thank you to everyone that reached out to me during this time.

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